Latest Entry: Simple Solutions That’ll Never Fucking Happen
Time to solve the world’s problems in 1000 words or less.
So today I checked out the website of another of my internet heroes, Noah “Spoony One” Antwiler. Having once again gotten shafted by the gaming industry’s anal retentive copyright bullshit, Spoony is now considering switching from PC games to console games. Regrettably the golden age of gaming is dead. PC users are subject to bullshit obligations to log onto the internet and download copyright software even to play their games offline, and console games keep making watered down sequels that suck balls and don’t have the guts to include any hardcore blood and gore we all know and love. This problem, of course, isn’t just limited to ‘Spoony.’ Gamers all over the world are now caught between a rock and a hard place. Gamers are either forced to jump through bullshit copyright protection hoops to play the games they legally paid for, or they must settle for overpriced and shitty console games from one of the three competing companies residing in what has become a deadlocked oligopoly of shitty game production. Other gamers are considering software piracy as an acceptable alternative to these choices.
Hey, here’s a thought gamers, put down that FUCKING controller and leave the FUCKING house! As a veteran gamer myself I say this fucked up situation should be a wakeup call for all of us. We don’t need to play any of these stupid fucking games and we never did. Seriously, if you’re a gamer, ask yourself: How many hours a week have you wasted on these fucking things? And for how many fucking years? Having just formatted my computer and gotten shafted trying to reinstall the games I legally paid for, personally I’m choosing to quit. It’s bad enough knowing that I’m paying money to waste my time, stunt my social life, and destroy my eyesight. Now the fucking things don’t even work until you download 15 patches, visit 12 tech forums, and email three support sites hoping for a response. Having been screwed one too many times by the gaming industry myself, I feel your pain, and I propose we all just get the fuck out. There are better things to spend our money on.
Here’s another thing that pisses me off. Environmentalists who preach about pollution but never consider practical solutions. Ask anyone what they think will help our pollutions problems and I find the answer is always the same: Either walk, bike, or take a bus. Telling people to walk/bike/bus rather than drive a car is like telling teenagers not to fuck, or telling warring nations to strive for world peace. Sounds like a great idea but it’s so impractical and unrealistic that we all know it’s never really going to work. Nobody outside of Europe seems to even consider a very obvious solution for reducing carbon emissions: widen the fucking roads. Yes it’ll take time, and it’ll mean higher taxes, but imagine a daily commute to work that only takes 10 fucking minutes rather than over an hour? Imagine not having to put up with bullshit traffic jams on a daily basis. That’s the kind of idea most citizens could actually support, and might be willing to pay an extra tax to fund, for a change.
Every major city should make it their goal to have all their roads be at least four lanes, if not six or eight. If 1 million cars are commuting to work no matter what, would you rather their engines be running for an hour, or for only 10 minutes? Which will cause less pollution? It’s simple math. And don’t even start telling me wider roads will cause people to drive more. That’s already offset by how high the price of gas is. Yes I know it can’t be done over night, and it’ll be expensive and inconvenient to implement, but to me it’s a practical and realistic solution that I think people could stick to and support. In fact, it’s such a simple, obvious solution that it’s no wonder nobody in North America have even considered it as an option. It’s too much like communism. Our goal, of course, should be to create an electric car that eliminates pollution completely, but until the golden day when that dream becomes a reality, widening the roads is certainly a step in the right direction. One that I doubt we’ll ever bother taking.
Probably the most frustrating thing about life is how simple the solutions to our problems can be, yet how hard these solutions are to actually stick to. Virtually all the common problems of your typical middle class North American can be solved with simple solutions: eat right, sleep right, exercise, work hard, be honest, learn to budget, abstain from drugs (including alcohol, caffeine and tobacco) and practice safe sex. These solutions are so fucking simple we tell them to 12 year old kids. But how hard is it to stick to things like that? They go against our every urge and impulse, and although they’re the best and simplest answers, they’re harder than hell to stick to. I swear if there is a God, he hates us.
Osprey
